Leather ‘Ryder’ bag – JOSEPH

Dress – JOSEPH. Shoes – Celine.

‘Ryder’ Bowling Bag – JOSEPH

Top – Helmut Lang. Skirt – Zara (similar). Boots – Stuart Weitzman

You click, you add to cart, you open two more tabs, maybe a few more… add more stuff into baskets, rip a bit of your eyebrow out, chant ‘Velvet booties’ enough times to make it sound alien, Google “Is velvet sexy?”, land on Henry VIII’s Wikipedia page, cobble together a Bloody Mary from leftovers in your fridge… open more tabs…

See, sometimes, just sometimes, it’s nice to unplug yourself from the online shopping rut. For the sake of sanity, for the sake of you poor readers having to read that first paragraph. So out I went, equipped with a sturdy pair of boots, a bottle of water, a torch and a can of jungle bug-spray (how does one do this again?). I headed to the Stuart Weitzman flagship on 200 Regent Street, fixated on scratching the Velvet booties itch, but also because I wanted to touch EVERYTHING. Because opening 243 tabs wasn’t an option at home. I WANTED CHINESE BURNS ON MY ARMS FROM SHOPPING BAGS.

Top & sleeves – Emma Charles. Skirt – Dagmar. Boots – Stuart Weitzman.

Dress – Emma Charles. Coat – Mango. Heels – Stuart Weitzman

It’s incredible how easily you forget how much fun it is experience a store, to dip into the visual universe that no doubt many heads joined to bring about. This one is my ideal New York apartment: Sleek shelving, modular benches on minimal low-pile carpet and herringbone wooden peeking through. I did what I did best and open as many tabs as I could, just so I can say I made a throne at Stuart Weitzman and sat in it in thigh-high boots.

Dress & sleeves – Emma Charles. Boots – Stuart Weitzman

Top – Calvin Klein. Bag – Calvin Klein. Jeans – Zara

Dress – Charlie May. Leather Trousers – Calvin Klein Jeans Capsule. Bag – Calvin Klein.

Top – Calvin Klein. Bag – Calvin Klein. Jeans – Zara

Dress – Exhibit. Top – JHZane. Bag – Valentino via Farfetch. Boots – H&M x Margiela

There is a crisp, fresh quality to the air, and the fume of Pumpkin Spiced Latte is lingering within the tube network. Heck, London, I was only gone for about a week. To make matters worse, I’ve had to ditch my only pair of socks in a trashcan in SoHo because it was still balls-degrees in New York and they wouldn’t fit in my vintage Chanel bum-bag. Hence, sock-less in 5°c Heathrow. Trick or tootsies, anyone?

It’s the season of holidays and clumsily thumbing through the Hallmark category boxes at the pound-shop. Happy ___ [insert from below: Halloween, All Saints day, Remembrance Sunday, Thanksgiving, Christmas Eve, Boxing Day, Bank Holiday because-why-the-frick-not Day, New Year’s Eve…etc] The days in between don’t even matter. Alas, what does November 16th mean to you? It’s like when all the funny bits are in a movie trailer, so you don’t bother watching the actual movie.

Well, if you know me enough by now you’ll know, that this is the day I declare a holiday from holidays – a very happy un-holiday, if you will – a celebration of the smaller days. Buy that gingerbread house now, knock on someone’s door tomorrow and ask for treats, and buy that Valentino bag I’ve been waiting forever from Farfetch, gift-wrap it and write a ‘Hey sexy. From Me’ card with some Easter bunnies on the cover. #SmallDaysMatter

Polo-neck – Uniqlo. Jeans – Zara. Sleeves – JH Zane. Bag – Valentino.

Trousers – Zara. Boots – Gigi for Stuart Weitzman

Is this a trick question? I’m being serious PLEASE HELP. It seems I’ve managed to change lanes while swapping out the Alanis Morissette CD and now there are new kids in town, going very fast, and I don’t know their names. It was either Gigi or, YOLO or something like that.

Fine, I have received enough verbal pamphlets from my more clued-in chums over samosas and beers to have vaguely mapped out the sort of rock-paper-scissors-lizard-Spock thing involving a family called the Kardashians, and Gigi is a supermodel/mastermind footwear craftsman somewhere in that equation. Am I getting this correctly? I have – kid you not – walked, run, driven, hiked… and practically swum in these Stuart Weitzman Gigi boots, without a single blister. So, logic tells me, that Gigi is not just a pretty face. I realise this is like when my mother saw my first boyfriend’s array of chains running from his wallet to a hook on his low-slung jeans and asked him if his family sold hardware. Jumping to conclusions is my favourite session at the gym. Also, hereditary.

Sweatshirt – Zara. White eyeliner – Dolce & Gabbana

Cashmere polo – JWon . Reversible bomber – Kenzo x H&M. Skirt – Paul & Joe. Boots – Gigi for Stuart Weitzman

The reality is, these are ass-kicking boots. For instance, I kicked 984km (611mi) ass of road the other week in these very pair, trekked on my very first snow atop an Alpine lay-by, and proceeded to drive through three different countries (more on this later). From the looks of it, I could’ve run for president too, given some (read: one) of the candidates basically resemble a deflated whoopee cushion. Remember to vote, kids.

They also come with a cause: Stuart Weitzman has pledged to build three schools in Ghana, Guatemala, and Laos with the charity Pencils of Promise. Ass. Kicked.

Knit – Stella McCartney (similar). Leggings – Zara. Boots – Gigi for Stuart Weitzman. Top – Ivy Park.