Trousers – Zara. Boots – Gigi for Stuart Weitzman

Is this a trick question? I’m being serious PLEASE HELP. It seems I’ve managed to change lanes while swapping out the Alanis Morissette CD and now there are new kids in town, going very fast, and I don’t know their names. It was either Gigi or, YOLO or something like that.

Fine, I have received enough verbal pamphlets from my more clued-in chums over samosas and beers to have vaguely mapped out the sort of rock-paper-scissors-lizard-Spock thing involving a family called the Kardashians, and Gigi is a supermodel/mastermind footwear craftsman somewhere in that equation. Am I getting this correctly? I have – kid you not – walked, run, driven, hiked… and practically swum in these Stuart Weitzman Gigi boots, without a single blister. So, logic tells me, that Gigi is not just a pretty face. I realise this is like when my mother saw my first boyfriend’s array of chains running from his wallet to a hook on his low-slung jeans and asked him if his family sold hardware. Jumping to conclusions is my favourite session at the gym. Also, hereditary.

Sweatshirt – Zara. White eyeliner – Dolce & Gabbana

Cashmere polo – JWon . Reversible bomber – Kenzo x H&M. Skirt – Paul & Joe. Boots – Gigi for Stuart Weitzman

The reality is, these are ass-kicking boots. For instance, I kicked 984km (611mi) ass of road the other week in these very pair, trekked on my very first snow atop an Alpine lay-by, and proceeded to drive through three different countries (more on this later). From the looks of it, I could’ve run for president too, given some (read: one) of the candidates basically resemble a deflated whoopee cushion. Remember to vote, kids.

They also come with a cause: Stuart Weitzman has pledged to build three schools in Ghana, Guatemala, and Laos with the charity Pencils of Promise. Ass. Kicked.

Knit – Stella McCartney (similar). Leggings – Zara. Boots – Gigi for Stuart Weitzman. Top – Ivy Park.