Cable-braid turtleneck. Cargo trousers

Cable boatneck. 1969 legging cords. Fairisle socks

Wool military coat. Dot skinnies. Leather tote. Fairisle scarf. Ivory epaulette shirt

Above: Khaki shirtdress – Gap. Fairisle cardigan – Gap. Bag – 3.1 Phillip Lim via Monnier Freres. Shoes – Miista; Thank you Kit for helping with the photos!

In lieu of what I wrote the other day, about how my life is spectacularly extra, extra ordinary, and that dressing is dressing up, this post comes at good time. I’m not going to pretend and say this is what I wear when I’m, for example, at home eating a perfectly-cut bowl of fruit or reaching for a CD from the top shelf. Who uses CD’s anymore, anyway? (Wait, I don’t get dressed for Spotify either.) My floordrobe consists of pieces that specifically weren’t made for my gender (brother’s old sweatshirt, hubby’s cardigan…etc), which shuffles slightly depending on what time of the month it is and whether I want to smell of smeared chocolate or not. Gap asked for my favourite winter basics from their current season to be edited into a Christmas wishlist, and I thought it might be fun to shoot a few scenarios and what I wish I were wearing, had I been blessed with diligence, or common hygiene.

Disclaimer: This is not a sponsored post, believe it or not.

Uniqlooks November: One item, three looks – Ultra-light down vest

Look 1: Down vest – Uniqlo. Mirror dress as top – Christonpher Kane x Topshop. Peg trousers – ASOS White. Heels – Christian Louboutin Corneille. Clutch – JHYoo. Necklace – H&M x MMM

Look 2: Down vest – Uniqlo. Coat – CK (gift from mummy) Cable-braid turtleneck – GAP. Boyfriend jeans – ASOS.

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Booties – Thakoon via The Northernlight blogshop. Bag – Boots – H&M x MMM

Look 3: Down vest – Uniqlo. Neoprene jacket – H&M Trend. Dress – Nikicio. Boots – H&M x MMM. Clutch – Kurt Geiger.

Well, isn’t this awkward, the overall effect of this edit makes me look like a car thief in various stages of the profession. Especially that first outfit with the ridiculous keyring necklace and the inverse-tattoos up my arm, oh and that invisible wrench inside the clutch I’m pawing at. What the batpoop am I wearing? I do apologize, any outfit is a step up from ratty PJs and I think I may have played too much Sims 3 this past weekend. I’m one chess-game away from being level 10 in the criminal career and boy, I can’t wait to be Emperor of evil and make 418 simoleons an hour. So please ignore that one, I’d do something about it but my Photoshop skills don’t exactly include stripping the clothes off and burning it in a barrel trash can. Plus if I had such mad skills I’d be an indespensable talent to humanity, or at least the male bits of it.